The “Late Show” host quipped about Trump’s latest target and plan to deploy federal troops to a “war-ravaged” Pacific Northwest.
Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
A Nation at ‘Waregon’
President Trump announced plans on Saturday to send federal troops into Portland, Ore., referring to the city as “war-ravaged.”
Stephen Colbert shared the news with his “Late Show” audience on Monday, saying “that our nation is at war — with Oregon. It’s Waregon.”
“How did we arrive at this dark day? I’unno.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yes, history will never forget the Battle of Portland, when we freed the citizens from the tyranny of overpriced doughnut shops and white ladies with dreadlocks named Raindrop.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Over the weekend, President Trump announced he’s sending troops to Portland, Ore., to protect I.C.E. facilities under attack by Antifa. They’ve already begun dispersing the crowds by holding up job applications.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld!”
“President Trump on Saturday ordered the Defense Department to deploy troops to Portland to secure the city. From what? Farmers markets? The only crime in Portland is the price of locally sourced honey.” — SETH MEYERS
“Portland? Did I miss Vancouver attacking Portland in a fierce battle of mellow artisans? ‘Don’t shoot ’til you see the whites of their cold foam half-caff latte art.’” — JON STEWART
“Of course, this isn’t our first war with Portland. We’ve all seen the classic war movies, like ‘Full Flannel Jacket’ and ‘All Vegan on the West Side Brunch.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Coming for Comey Edition)
“James Comey, our former F.B.I. director, was indicted today by the Trump administration. I didn’t even know he had a talk show. Unbelievable.” — BILL MAHER
“Trump is in his ‘we caught you with your taillight out’ phase of justice. They will find something to pull you over for.” — BILL MAHER
“If Trump can indict a former F.B.I. director, anyone who has ever stood up to Trump has to worry about being thrown in jail. And I will fight that with every fiber of my being or my name is not Jimmy Fallon. F-A-L-L-O-N.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Mariah Carey shared part of a track she recorded for a 1995 grunge album on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel will catch up and compare notes on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
