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“Our long national nightmare is different,” Stephen Colbert said after eight Democratic senators voted with Republicans to end the government shutdown.
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The Nightmare Before Christmas
Eight members of the Democratic Caucus voted on Monday with Republicans to end the nation’s longest ever government shutdown.
“Our long national nightmare is different,” Stephen Colbert said in his “Late Show” monologue.
“Yes, the shutdown may have been long and painful for millions of Americans, but at least it achieved jack squat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“But these Democratic defectors did get one concession. Senate majority leader John Thune promised them a vote on the A.C.A. in December — ’cause that’s when people get down to serious work: December.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the Affordable Care Act
“Americans overwhelmingly support the Democrats’ push to keep health care costs down. Record numbers of people showed up for historic protests. The president’s poll numbers are historically bad. He just got booed at a football game, and voters handed Democrats huge victories in Tuesday’s elections. So naturally, Senate Democrats looked at all that and said, ‘Now is the time to cave.’” — SETH MEYERS
“This was such a big cave by the Democrats, Bruce Wayne offered to buy it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Democrats, you sold out the entire shutdown not to get what you wanted, but for a promise to not get what you wanted later. Where in ‘The Art of War …?’” — JON STEWART, trying to find a relevant passage in the Sun Tzu book.
“After 40 days, senators finally agreed on a deal to end the longest government shutdown in history. Yeah. And besides every airport turning into a real-life ‘Squid Game,’ no harm done.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Washington Commanders Edition)
“Meanwhile, last night, Trump attended the Washington Commanders home game against the Detroit Lions. And before the game, Air Force One did a flyover above the stadium. Yeah, it was historic ’cause that was the only plane that took off yesterday.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Do you know how [expletive] unpopular you have to be to be booed by football fans while swearing in troops? And, by the way, not just any football fans — football fans who still use the term ‘Redskins,’ and not even with respect to the team, just casually.” — JON STEWART
